I realize that it could appear to anyone reading that, as a man, I could possibly be a little biased in my thoughts when touching on the subject of what makes women happy and the role of a husband and wife. However, my hope is that anyone who reads this article will land on neutral ground and gain a spiritual, biblical perspective on the responsibilities of a man and a woman within the covenant bond of marriage. My hope is that both men and women will truly understand what it takes to have a Godly marriage.
(I also had the approval of my wife to write this article)
Before you read any further. It is important to understand the context. For this, please read this article about God’s purpose, God’s plan for marriage.
If you were to step inside our living room, you would see this cross standing front and center on our mantle above our fireplace. This cross is significant to us is several ways. It reminds us of Jesus death and the sacrifice that he made on the cross, “through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand.” (Romans 5:2) It is a symbol of hope that we have in Him. (Hebrews 6:19) It is also place of rest and comfort.
The bold outer cross reminds me as a husband to be bold – be a strong leader and cover for my wife, my family and my home. I look at this cross and I see the outer cross is secure in a firm foundation (Luke 6:47-48) that is Christ. Without Him, I am unequipped to be a leader for my wife, my family and home. Yet, without my bride – I am incomplete (Mutually Complete One Another). The intricate inner cross represents the bride – beautiful and multi-faceted. My wife brings grace, gentleness, kindness and such a loving heart into our marriage. (Genesis 2:18, 22-23)
The greatest significance of this cross is how we are made one and show our commitment to one another. 3 pegs represent Father, Son and Holy Spirit. This is the representation of “…and they become one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24)
Now – I do not necessarily disagree with the phrase “happy wife, happy life.” I do, however, believe it can promote an unhealthy view of marriage for both men and women. Young men may grow up with the thought of wanting (or even needing) to please women in whatever they should want or desire. Young women may grow up with the expectations that a husband (or future husband) should meet their needs whatever they may be (or expensive).
Men – listen up. While I am a man, I believe we have great responsibility as men and husbands. Scripture tells us that “…the husband is the head of his wife as Christ also is the head of the church…” (Ephesians 5:23) This places an emphasis on the type of leader a husband should be. There is no emphasis on superior abilities, but the position in which men have been placed by God. “…Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of every woman, and God is the head of Christ.” (1 Corinthians 11:2-3).
As leaders, you take responsibility for the relationship, serving like Christ. Serve in obedience to God, placing your wife’s needs above your own. Make your wife’s load lighter – not heavier, make her the best she can be. Praise her for her life, her gifts and talents, love unconditionally and sacrificially.
“…For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many.” (Mark 10:45) As a husband, take initiative to lead your wife and family spiritually – to pray, worship privately and at a church and to study God’s Word. Take the initiative to accept influence from your wife, admit to sin and mistakes, ask for forgiveness, resolve solvable conflicts, and make your home a place of safety, protection and encouragement.
Women – Read Carefully. Men have responsibilities as husbands and women also have their responsibilities. “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord… Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.” (Ephesians 5:22,24) Scripture speaks to the responsibility of a wife to demonstrate love for her husband by respecting and supporting him. Respect is a choice to receive your husband despite of his weaknesses. “However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” (Ephesians 5:33)
John Piper writes,
“Submission is the divine calling of a wife to honor and affirm her husband’s leadership and help carry it through according to her gifts… It is an attitude that says, ‘I delight for you to take the initiative in our family. I am glad when you take responsibility for things and lead with love. I don’t flourish in the relationship when you are passive and I have to make sure the family works.'”
“The Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.'” (Genesis 2:18). Some may cringe when they hear the word helper – believing that the role of “helper” is less important, inferior, etc. However, scripture depicts a different picture:
“Surely God is my help(er); the Lord is the one who sustains me.” Psalm 54:4
“But the (Helper), the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you.” John 14:26
“So we say with confidence, ‘The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?'” Hebrews 13:6
Understanding that God describes Himself as a helper can (and should) empower wives to take the responsibilities as a wife very seriously. A more accurate understanding of this role shows how vital a wife’s role is in providing what is lacking in a man. A husband fills the gaps of his wife and a wife fills the gaps in her husband that she is so uniquely qualified to fill.
The greatest thing you can do for your relationship is to have a relationship with Jesus and read God’s word. You must make a commitment to place God at the center of your relationship. We live in a culture that foolishly believes, “You do your part and I will do mine.” To experience true intimacy, a husband and wife must be willing to do whatever it takes to make the marriage work. There is no meeting each other half way. It is not always “yes, dear,” or “whatever you want.” A husband and wife commit themselves in totality to each other setting aside their selfishness and living a truly satisfying marriage.
You may be considering marriage as a next step in your relationship or you may simply be lost in your current relationship and looking for some direction. Please take a step in the right direction for your relationship. Email me or call at (317) 572-7411. To schedule a session, please click here.