Identifying Anxiety in Your Preschooler

When young children have big feelings, it can be difficult to figure out what they underlying cause is to their behaviors or meltdowns. In my experience, both as a mother and a counselor, is that anxiety could be the cause. Because young children have a difficult time putting words to their experiences, sometimes we must take a guess what is causing the meltdown. When the obvious things have been ruled out-tired, hungry or bored, anxiety might be the root cause of the behaviors.

But as adults, we don’t have to go about this blindly. There are several areas that we can look at, such as emotions, physical sensations, social interactions, behavior and learning patterns and sensory-related behaviors. Taking note of how your child is doing in each of these areas may help you discern whether or not anxiety is at the root of your child’s big feelings.

Common Anxiety-Related Behaviors in Preschool Children

Emotions

• Frequent crying or becoming easily upset
• Sudden mood swings
• Intense emotional reactions that seem disproportionate to the situation
• Increased clinginess to parents or caregivers
• Frequent temper tantrums

Physical Sensations

• Frequent stomachaches or headaches
• Trembling or shaking
• Bed-wetting after being previously toilet trained
• Visible tension in body posture
• Sweating or appearing nervous
• Complaints of feeling “sick” without clear medical reasons

Social Interactions

• Extreme shyness in new situations
• Reluctance to speak or interact with unfamiliar people
• Hiding behind parents in social settings
• Difficulty separating from parents during drop-offs at preschool or daycare
• Avoiding eye contact
• Refusing to participate in group activities

Behavior Patterns

• Excessive worry about parents’ whereabouts
• Repetitive behaviors or rituals as a coping mechanism
• Difficulty sleeping or experiencing nightmares
• Resistance to trying new experiences
• Heightened startle response
• Seeking constant reassurance

Play and Learning Behaviors

• Reluctance to engage in new play activities
• Difficulty transitioning between activities
• Appearing overly cautious or hesitant
• Perfectionism in play or learning tasks
• Avoiding challenges or new learning opportunities

Sensory-Related Behaviors

• Sensitivity to loud noises
• Becoming easily overwhelmed in busy or stimulating environments
• Strong reactions to texture, clothing, or physical touch
• Difficulty with changes in routine

This list is not comprehensive and some of the things can be age appropriate for preschool children. If you are a parent and are concerned about any of these behaviors in your child, it’s a good idea to start tracking your child’s behavior and noting the frequency, intensity and duration of these behaviors.

How to Track Your Child’s Behaviors

Frequency

You’ll want to track how often throughout the day these behaviors are happening for your child. For example, if your child always struggles with being dropped off at preschool or daycare but then is able to settle down after a few minutes, this could be age-appropriate behavior. If, however, your child has difficulty every day with drop off and is not able to start playing and engaging with others than it is worth noting.

Intensity

A simple 0-5 or 0-10 scale is sufficient to track the intensity of behaviors. Where 0 is no distress, and 5 or 10 is the worse distress you’ve noticed. Getting an idea of how intense the behaviors tend to be will give your more information on how the behaviors need addressed. Usually if the behaviors are 3 or below, giving your child reassurance and affection will do the trick. But if they are consistently 4 or above, and your child is difficult to calm down, then it might be time for some outside help.

Duration

When my youngest son was 3 or 4 years old, he went through a 4-week period where he would wake up very grumpy in the morning (we now know he is not a morning person!) and he would cry and throw himself on the kitchen floor. Every morning it felt like this went on for 30 or 45 minutes. So, one day, I decided to time the meltdown, and I was shocked to find out that most of the time it lasted less than 15 minutes. After that, I was much more patient with him because I figured I can get through anything if it’s just 15 minutes! Thankfully this was just a short-lived season in our household and we were able to put a new morning routine in place that he liked much better.

It’s important to get an idea of how long the behaviors are lasting. Just like in my example above, when children are melting down it can seem like forever so tracking it can give us a more realistic picture of how much the behavior is interfering with our daily routines.

Understanding and Supporting Your Preschooler

Recognizing anxiety in young children is important process. By carefully observing your child’s behaviors – emotions, physical sensations, social interactions, learning, and sensory experiences – you can gain some valuable insights into their inner world. Remember, not every anxious behavior is cause for alarm; some are simply part of normal child development.

The key is compassionate, systematic observation. By tracking the frequency, intensity, and duration of behaviors that concern you, you can develop a clearer understanding of your child’s experiences. This approach transforms vague worries into concrete information that can guide your next steps.

Several of our therapists at Peace Family Counseling in Greenwood, Indiana work with preschool children and their parents to help give new coping skills and ways to manage big feelings. Especially if your child is going through a major change such as a divorce or loss of a loved one, it might be beneficial for you and your child to get some help from one of our therapists. We’d love for you to check out our counselors here and if you would rather talk to someone, you can fill out the contact us form found here.