Parent’s Guide to Tracking Your Child’s Anxiety Behaviors

I was a behavior therapist for several years before going into private practice. For me to do my job, I had to understand the purpose of the behavior.  I could then help parents with tracking their child’s anxiety behaviors and assist them in setting appropriate boundaries. By putting structures in place parents can help their child express their wants and needs in healthy ways. In fact, learning to express your wants and needs in a healthy way is good skill for everyone to learn!

Behavior Serves a Purpose

One thing that is helpful to understand about behavior is that we all do things, not just children to get what we want or think we want. Typically, behaviors don’t come out of nowhere. Anxiety in children is frequently seen through a child’s behaviors.  Probably the best example I have of this idea is one of mine from childhood.

My mother would always want to take family pictures after church and before we ate Sunday lunch. We were all dressed up. She would find someone who was willing to take our pictures in exchange for a good home cooked meal. So, we would all gather around the piano in the living room, and everyone would be smiling but me.

In my defense, I do get hangry. And when I was hungry after church, the last thing I wanted to do was take family pictures. So, the pictures usually came with me melting down and having to take the picture anyway. It’s funny to think of now. The solution of a snack before pictures seems obvious but that was not an option when I was a child.

Because I was not typically prone to meltdowns, this behavior might have seemed to come out of nowhere for me. My behavior was telling my parents that I needed something different at that time before pictures. Once we can understand this, especially with our children, we can attune to their needs better. Attunement in children is so important and you can read more about it here.

Behaviors Need Boundaries

I think boundaries is one of those buzzwords that are thrown around without people really understanding what it is.

What is a Boundary?

I like to think of a boundary like a fence around a yard. It keeps the things that you want to keep in and keep out the things you want to keep out. It also gives the person freedom to move within that space. As a therapist, I know that children need boundaries. Children do not understand how their decisions will impact them long term. Parents are their models for helping them figure out the world.

What is the Purpose of a Boundary?

1. A boundary should protect the relationship

For example, if a friend keeps telling you they are going to do something and they don’t. You are resentful. This is an example of a boundary that needs to be set and talked about. A boundary should protect the relationship from resentment building up. They can be difficult to set, especially with those closest to you.

2. A boundary should be made in advance

While it’s tempting to set a boundary in the heat of the behavior, it is best to wait.  Once the emotions have wore up, you  can set a boundary thoughtfully and carefully.  When we’re in the heat of the moment, we feel like we have momentum to say all the things that we won’t or don’t say when we’re calm. But it’s better for the relationship when boundaries are set when everyone is calm.

3. A boundary should clearly outline acceptable and unacceptable behaviors.

When it comes to behaviors, it’s helpful to think about what are the acceptable and unacceptable behaviors in the household. For example, when I work with angry children, I tell them 3 things are unacceptable when they’re angry:

• Hurting themselves
• Hurting others
• Hurting property

This gives the child 3 clear things to not do when they’re angry. It also helps you as the parent to stay present during big, angry outbursts. If your child does one of those 3 things when angry,  you know the consequences, rather than reacting in anger and making a punishment that does not fit the behavior.

I could say several more things about boundaries like keeping calm when talking to the other person about them, not undoing them once they’re set and renegotiating the boundary as your child matures but these 3 things are a good start with boundary setting.

Behavioral Tracking

Anxiety behavior tracking does not have to be anything complicated or complex. I recommend tracking behavior for about 2 weeks to see the  frequency, intensity and duration of the behavior. Once you have this data, you can identify things that might need to be put into place to help your child succeed. For example, if your child is always having a meltdown in the morning, think through how you can make the morning routine easier and with fewer demands. I’ve known many parents who had their child sleep in their clothes for the next because it was just easier than fighting them on what to wear the next morning.

Options to track anxiety behaviors

1. A paper and a pen, and write down what time the behavior is happening, how long it is lasting, and how intense it was (e.g., using a 1-10 scale, 1 being least intense to 10 being the most intense).
2. Get an app that tracks behaviors
3. Find a printed template or chart online that allows you to track it

Find something that works best for you and your family. And try to do it as soon as you can when the behavior happens so you don’t have to rely on your memory later. You can also customize categories based on your child’s specific behaviors and circumstances.

Some other things to track with anxiety behaviors that might be helpful but are not necessary:

1. Record any environmental factors that might have contributed: loud or chaotic environments, being tired, hungry, or sick.
2. Record any preceding events
3. Record how many prompts they needed to get started or if you helped them get started on a task

Using The Results to Implement Change in Anxiety Behaviors

Once you have a better picture of what could be underlying causes of the behaviors, the frequency, intensity and duration of the behaviors and any contributing factors, it’s time to analyze the results.

As you analyze the results, you should have a clearer picture of the patterns and environmental adjustments that might need to change for your child to thrive. You should also have a better idea of what boundaries need to be implemented to help your child feel safe and secure.

Conclusion

Understanding your child’s anxiety behavior requires patience, observation, and consistent tracking. By implementing the simple tracking methods we’ve discussed, you’re taking an important step toward becoming more attuned to your child’s needs and what they are trying to communicate to you through their behaviors.

Remember that tracking is about gathering information to help both you and your child get a clearer picture of what is happening and how to navigate these challenges more effectively. When you understand the patterns—the triggers, the frequency, the intensity—you can implement thoughtful boundaries and the environment to support your child’s emotional development.

Most importantly, this process helps transform frustrating moments into opportunities for connection. Rather than seeing anxiety behaviors as problems to fix, you begin to see them as communication—your child’s way of expressing needs they may not have the words for yet.

As you continue this journey, be gentle with yourself too. Parenting is challenging, and implementing new strategies takes time. Celebrate small victories, adjust your approach when needed, and remember that by taking the time to truly understand your child’s behaviors, you’re building a foundation for a healthier, more connected relationship that will benefit both of you for years to come.

Connect With Us

Several of our therapists at Peace Family Counseling in Greenwood, Indiana work with children and their parents to help give new coping skills and ways to manage big feelings. Especially if your child is going through a major change such as a divorce or loss of a loved one, it might be beneficial for you and your child to get some help from one of our therapists. We’d love for you to check out our counselors here and if you would rather talk to someone, you can fill out the contact us form here.