Social Media and Children

Parents, how many times have you had this conversation regarding social media with your children, especially your young teenagers?

“Hey mom, can I please have INSERT (the latest and greatest social media) account?”

“No.”

No. Is the automatic answer, right?

Parents can get weighed down with feeling like a never-ending supplier of the answer, “No.”

As parents, we encourage you to provide a different answer and while empowering your child to be part of the decision-making process.

For example, what if the conversation went something like this:

“Hey mom, can I please have INSERT (the latest and greatest social media) account?”

And parents you answered this way instead:

“I don’t know, let’s check it out.”

So now this same situation moves from not another “No” but instead becomes a “not yet.”

Social Media

Kids have limits in many areas of life. Yet some parents struggle with setting limits on when children/teens  get social media.

It is very reasonable for parents to set limits with their children.  Limits on  how to eat healthy, not having too much sugar, and learning to drive are all common restrictions.

So what is it about social media in particular that makes it so difficult/confusing for parents to set limits with their children in this area? We think there are a number of reasons but some of the most common are:

1. It’s convenient because this is how teens are connecting/making plans with their friends
2. It is an easy way to communicate with their peers. When children don’t have social media they can feel further isolated.
3. Many sports teams/extracurricular activities use apps and group chats to communicate about practice times and cancelations.

But just like we wouldn’t hand keys to our cars at thirteen, we encourage you to be thoughtful in how and when you’re handing off the “keys” to social media. And a byproduct, we think for kids, is that it teaches them some patience. And as parents we know that teaching patience and waiting can help children learn the benefits of delayed gratification.

Each family must determine the boundaries and entry points for their children. Here are a few things to keep in mind regarding the inevitability of social media conversations.

Parents Role in Social Media with their Children

Develop Family Rules Around Devices that have Screens

One of the most important aspects of keeping children safe across all types of devices that have screens is limit setting. We know from the research that when children are allowed to have phones in their bedrooms, they stay up way too late, and it interrupts their sleep, sometimes significantly. We also know that a lot of selfies happen in bathrooms. And, we know phones, streaming t.v. and video games can interrupt important family time in the evening. We encourage you to have house or family rules (that apply to everyone including the parents) when it comes to devices and screens. Here are a few examples:

1. No phones in bathrooms.
2. No phones in bedrooms-have a place where everyone puts them at night to charge.
3. No phones at the dinner table.
4. No social media unless/until there are open discussions about its use

We encourage you to set these limits based on the needs of your family and the ages of your children. We also encourage you to amend/update rules based on the changes needs of your family. For example, once all the children are driving, there might be some updated rules or changes to how and when social media is used. Regardless of your child’s age, the goal of setting limits with screens and digital devices should be to create a healthier and more connected family. And this will only happen when the parents are good role models and being intentional about these guidelines.

Address Mental Health

Be aware of how social media use is impacting your child’s mood or self-esteem. Research shows social media is very detrimental to self-esteem and identity when children are between 9-11 years old. Social media can be a facilitator in your child developing low self-esteem, anxiety, depression and eating disorders, just name a few. If you do notice negative signs, especially an increase in anger or behavioral outbursts, these could be signs that your child is struggling with their mental health, and we would recommend getting them into see a mental health professional immediately. We encourage parents to be proactive rather than reactive. We think you’ll find this blog post helpful, found here, on finding the right counselor for your needs.

Educate on Digital Footprints

While some pictures or content may seem to be lost once, they are deleted off your child’s personal social media account, they are not gone forever. Teaching children about the permanence of online content, the long-term consequences, and the pitfalls of sharing personal information is vital to responsible social media use. It is also important to educate your child on the fact that because of their brain still developing, they will be unable to consider all the ways their choices now could affect them long-term. One of your jobs as a parent is to help them think through the potential consequences of seeing or learning about something that they are not mature enough to handle yet.

Stay Engaged

Set times to reevaluate. This gives you an opportunity to check in on their mental health as well. Being very clear up front and saying something like, “We are going to try this for 4 weeks and at that time we will evaluate how it’s going.” Consistency and predictability are keys to making this work.

Social media is not a “set it and forget it” part of life. As new options are made available, it is important to regularly check in.  Have discussions about how it’s going. Let them know what you want to change for the future to protect them.  They may not agree, but by having a conversation you have made your point clear.

Set clear, firm limits

Set limits, stand firm on those limits, and make sure these limits work for your ability to manage them. If you set a limit to the amount of time on one or more social media accounts, set up those limits with a system so that you are not asking questions regularly about how much time has been spent. We like the app Screen Zen. This apps helps create healthy habits. Built into the app is the ability to create some intentionality for going online or social media. Which then helps create limits around “mindless scrolling.”

Additionally, the consequences must also be clear. If the consequences are set before a rule is broken, there does not need to be any discussion or worry about how to handle a given situation. It can also take away some of the escalation that might happen if a child is surprised by the consequence of not complying. We encourage parents to create consequences that are in line with the infraction. It’s not helpful for kids to not know when they will have access to their phones again. Instead, having a set time frame of when they will have access to their phones again helps them manage their anxiety from being grounded from the phones (if that’s the punishment).

Remember, your involvement and guidance as a parent play a crucial role in helping your child navigate the complexities of social media. Your support, understanding, and proactive approach can make a significant difference in their online experiences and overall self-worth and emotional health.