Slow Down and Give Yourself Some Margin

Ask most parents and spouses what they wish they had more of, and the answer is almost always time. Time to connect. Being able to breathe and actually being present with the people we love instead of always rushing and on to the next thing. 

I often work with clients who are dealing with some level of burnout because they have been in seasons of no margin. And over time, that physically, mentally, and emotionally leaves us exhausted with all our resources depleted. If you think you might be dealing with burnout, check out our blog post found here. 

What Margin Actually Is

Margin is difficult to define for some people because it’s different for everyone. Some people need more margin than others. Some people consider margin that is full activity. Others consider margin when there’s nothing on the calendar. Margin is the space between your capacity and your commitments. 

For some people, margin looks like reading a book on Saturday morning. For others it’s going for a long hike or a bike ride. It could mean an unhurried hour after dinner, a weekend with no activity or time in nature. Everyone needs something different to recharge which can be difficult if you have spouse or kids that have a different way to recharge than you do. But either way, margin should include time where you can make eye contact, have unhurried conversation and time to actually connect with one another. 

Margin is difficult to find in this day and age. May of us are running at or beyond our capacity. Between kids sporting events and trying to run a household where everyone has different needs, life can be hectic and chaotic at times. These schedules or events aren’t necessarily bad, they do take time and energy away from real connection. 

Busyness Is Not a Virtue

For years busyness has been creeping into our schedules more and more. As a culture, there is a subtle but powerful message that equates busyness with importance, productivity, and even good parenting. If the kids are in travel sports, if you’re always on the clock, if the schedule is always full then according to society, these are indicators that you’re doing something right.  

One thing we know about child development is that children don’t thrive because of the activities they’re apart of or because of packed schedules. They thrive when they have connection with others. Connection with peers, siblings and parents. Margin is one answer to create this connection with others. Unhurried time together, unstructured play and time to just be, are all great ways to create margin in schedules. 

Research on family dinners alone tells a compelling story. Regular, device-free family meals are associated with lower rates of teen substance use, stronger academic outcomes, better emotional health, and higher rates of children coming to parents with problems. Having a consistent and predictable time for families to connect and reconnect can be powerful tool for creating margin. 

What Margin Makes Possible

Presence isn’t just about putting the phone down. It’s about creating the conditions where real presence is even possible. When you’re exhausted, overcommitted, and running from one thing to the next, presence becomes an act of sheer willpower that is not sustainable. Margin makes presence sustainable. It’s the difference between trying to connect in the cracks of a frantic life and building a life with enough space that connection happens naturally.

In marriage, margin looks like protecting time together before the calendar fills up with everything else. It means treating your relationship as a commitment that gets scheduled not trying to squeeze it in at the end of a hectic day. In parenting, it means having the emotional reserves to actually engage when your child needs you, rather than surviving until bedtime.

A Framework for Evaluating Your Calendar

Before saying yes to anything new, consider three questions: 

• Does this align with our family’s actual priorities? 
• What will this cost us in time, energy, or margin? 
• What will we have to give up to make room for it?

Good things are not always the right things for every season. Learning to say no even to good opportunities is one of the most loving things you can do for your family.

The Sabbath Principle

The discipline of rest is woven into the fabric of Scripture. God didn’t build a day of rest into creation because He needed it. He built it in because we do.  By mandating the Sabbath, God was reminding the Israelites that they were no longer slaves in Egypt and their value and worth was not in the things they produced. Instead, created the Sabbath to remind them that they are valuable because He created them. 

So the Sabbath principle at its core is a principle built on marge. A reminder that human beings are not machines, that productivity is not the highest value, and that rest and relationship are not interruptions to a meaningful life. 

An Invitation

Look at your calendar this week. See if there is anything you can change or reschedule so that you can have some margin. An evening, A morning. An hour or two of unhurried time. If it works, try it again the next week, and this time, extend it an hour or two. And for more ideas on how to have margin in your family’s routines, check out this blog. 

Peace Family Counseling is Here to Help

If you’re running on empty and your relationships are feeling the cost of it, counselors at Peace Family Counseling, LLC, in Greenwood, IN, and Martinsville, IN, can help you slow things down and gain clarity to reconnect with what matters most. Read bios of our counselors here.

We would love to help you get to the root of your symptoms so you can feel better and restore peace to your life and relationship. Contact us today: 317-881-0409 or online with our contact us form.