Be sure to check out the first part of this post Porn is Communal Part 1 found here. As humans we are made for community. This means that we have to have conversations with another person, ideally in the same room (and neither party is distracted by their phones!) that includes real time feedback about what we’re saying and how we’re behaving. And hopefully through this process, we also receive validation and support. This is the ideal scenario of living and interacting with others in our homes, workplaces and communities.
Porn Increases Isolation and Shame
However, we know this does not always happen, especially when people are viewing porn with regularity. We know from the research that the secret nature of porn use results in the user being distant from others, and their community which almost always leads to depression and anxiety.
When porn use gets bad enough, the person may withdraw altogether from their families and communities. When individuals seek shortcuts of porn for gratification rather than another human, whether for friendship or romance, they are depriving themselves of the opportunity to receive validation and gratification from others which then leads to a decreased desire for friendships and relationships robs entire communities. While one person is using porn, they may be depriving an entire group of people of the contributions they have to offer.
When someone is addicted to porn, one of the fears they face is judgment from others and this hinders their ability to connect and be vulnerable with others, especially their spouse or significant other.
From the research, we know that when people feel ashamed or are worried about judgment from others, oftentimes it drives users into watching more porn just to get some relief from these feelings.
Evidence shows that increased shame decreases our ability to connect and build community with others. Part of the problem with this shame-withdraw cycle, is that it is easy for people to get stuck, feel hopeless and depressed, or feel like there is no way out or no one to turn to for help. This cycle is lonely and isolating.
Porn Decreases Sexual Satisfaction
Porn has been shown to decrease sexual satisfaction. As mentioned previously, increased porn use decreases the odds of someone pursuing a romantic relationship. However, individuals in romantic relationships report higher rates of sexual dissatisfaction and sexual dysfunction when porn is used. Erectile dysfunction increases with porn usage since it becomes more difficult to reach the needed level of arousal. Relationship satisfaction is shown to decrease with porn usage.
Porn Increases Betrayal
Intense feelings of betrayal will occur when porn use is discovered by a significant other or even a family member. Many spouses of porn users report feeling they were not good enough and that they are responsible for their spouse’s actions. This is not the case; porn is an individual’s choice. The solution to porn use is for the user to face their feelings and develop healthier coping skills.
Porn Increases Violence and Abuse
Porn users need larger amounts of dopamine to achieve the same level of pleasure over time. Therefore, the more someone uses porn, the more intense the porn must become. More problematic forms of porn, such as BDSM, child porn, and rape, are not often introductory genres. However, people often seek types of porn they may have even been disgusted by in the past. Studies have shown that increased porn use increases the prevalence of someone becoming abusive to another individual. Porn also has many connections to sex trafficking, and there is no way of knowing whether porn was consensual or “safe” for the person being recorded. Additionally, exploitation is rampant through porn sites creating profit for abuse and violence.
Porn Stunts Growth-Relationship, Emotional and Spiritual
There are many more examples of the effects of porn that can be found at fightthenewdrug.com. However, it is important to understand that watching porn is not harmless, and it is not private. It has a detrimental effect on the individual, their family, and their culture. Porn is often used as an escape from difficult or intense emotions. Because of this, a porn addiction leads to stunted growth-relationship, emotional and spiritual. People cannot reach their potential without learning to fully process their emotions and implement healthy coping strategies.
This is a call for everyone to grow into their best selves. If porn is communal, then the solution is found in the community.
We must offer a compassionate, shame-free invitation for the health and wellness of every individual, especially those who feel trapped in the grasp of porn or other unwanted sexual behaviors.
For the month of September, we have looked at the effects of porn use and mental health, examined some myths about porn, and how the root of porn use might not be a symptom of a deeper longing. Our goal with focusing on porn and its effects on mental health has not left you discouraged, but rather hope that if you need help, you will have the courage to tell someone and get help.
Peace Family Counseling
If you would like help, we are here to help. We want to assist you in your journey. We invite you to check out our counselors here. If you would rather talk to someone, you can fill out the contact us form here.
References:
Fast Facts About Pornography. https://fightthenewdrug.org/fast-facts/
About the Author:
Darin Hays, LCSW
Therapist
Darin Hays, LCSW, helps teens and adults break free from pornography addiction using CBT and trauma-focused approaches.
He creates a safe, non-judgmental space and welcomes faith-based discussions. Available for in-person and telehealth appointments.
