Intentionality in Marriage

In today’s fast-paced world, many couples find themselves navigating marriage on autopilot, responding to life’s demands without truly considering the direction of their relationship. Yet, like any significant achievement in life, intentionality in marriage doesn’t happen by chance—it requires deliberate and conscious effort. Just as a marathon runner must train systematically to reach their goal, couples must approach their marriage with similar dedication and intention.

What Are the 3 Key Pillars of a Thriving Marriage?

This article explores the three key pillars of a thriving marriage: preparation, purpose, and intentionality. Drawing on the parallel between training for a marathon and building a strong marriage, we’ll discover how making choices “on purpose for a purpose” can transform your relationship.

Whether you’re newly married or have been together for decades, understanding and implementing these principles can help you create the strong, resilient partnership you desire.

Intentionality reminds me of the saying about planting a tree.

The best time to plan a tree was seven years ago, the next best time is today.

Believing that change is possible begins with small steps toward a new goal. Success is more likely when our goals are clear, and our steps are small. As the author, Martha Beck writes, choose to do something that moves the needle even one degree toward the change you want to make.

1. Intentionality in Our Relationships

Intentionality in our relationships and other areas of our lives is making choices “on purpose for a purpose.” For example, I have a friend who is preparing to run a marathon in the Spring. The first goal he might have set was to run a mile.

But maybe he started with an even smaller goal than that. Maybe his first small goal was to make sure he had the time set aside to run that mile.

Or maybe an even smaller goal than that was to make sure he had good running shoes.

At each of these small steps, he was making choices “on purpose for a purpose.” He knows that setting a goal of running a marathon is going to take purpose, preparation and intentionality.

I think the same holds true for marriage. Good marriages don’t just happen. Good marriages are about making choices “on purpose for a purpose.” Or, in other words, they require preparation and intentionality, just like training for a marathon.

Some intentional ways of choosing your relationship might include:

• actively listening to your partner instead of just waiting for your turn to speak
• making purposeful decisions about how you spend your time and energy together
• being mindful about the words you use
• being intentional about the traditions you create
• doing your best to heal your past wounds so that you are not accidentally hurting those you love

These intentional ways of making your relationship a priority act as a protective factor to build strength and respect in the relationship.

2. Preparation in Marriage

Typically, when we think of preparation regarding marriage we think of preparation for marriage. But what I’m talking about here is thinking through what YOU are doing personally to be a good spouse to your partner.

Just as you wouldn’t run a marathon without training, a strong marriage requires you to do the work to be the best version of yourself that you can be for your partner.

This might involve skills such as learning:

• effective communication techniques
• conflict resolution strategies
• financial management
• developing emotional intelligence

Not only is self-improvement a goal but it should help lead to developing skills that benefit your spouse such as:

• learning about your partner’s needs
• understanding their love language
• developing the patience and resilience needed for healthy communication

By focusing on these skills, it will help prepare you and your spouse for life’s challenges before they arise. It can help making major decisions easier, creating healthy boundaries with extended family and coming up with plans for emergencies. Preparation is an ongoing process of learning and growing together.

3. Purpose in Marriage

A strong marriage needs a clear sense of purpose – a shared vision of what you’re building together. This means understanding not just why you chose each other, but what you want your life together to represent.

Purpose in marriage means having shared values, goals, and dreams that you both actively work toward. Whether it’s building a family, supporting each other’s personal growth, or creating a legacy of love and service to others, having a defined purpose gives your marriage direction and meaning. This shared purpose acts as a foundation, helping you navigate difficult times and make decisions that align with your core values and goals for your marriage and family.

Core Values

We also think finding your core values as a couple or as a family can also be helpful in building this shared vision. We think this blog post found here, on core values will be helpful in getting you started on identifying your core values.

Summary

A thriving marriage doesn’t happen by accident – it requires deliberate, conscious choices made day after day. Intentionality means choosing to prioritize your relationship even when life gets busy. 

Just like a marathon requires preparation and an understanding that success comes through purposeful, small steps, building a strong marriage requires the same dedication and intentionality. By focusing on preparation through personal growth and skill development, maintaining a clear sense of shared purpose, and making intentional choices each day to prioritize your relationship, you can create a marriage that not only survives but thrives.

Remember that no one starts a marathon by running 26.2 miles – they begin with small, manageable steps. Similarly, strengthening your marriage doesn’t require grand gestures or immediate perfection. It starts with simple, intentional actions: a moment of active listening, a conscious decision to speak kindly, or a small effort to understand your partner’s needs better.

If you find yourself struggling to implement these changes or feeling stuck in patterns that aren’t serving your marriage well, remember that seeking professional help is a sign of strength. Marriage counseling can provide you with additional tools and strategies to build the purposeful, prepared, and intentional marriage you desire.

Peace Family Counseling Is Here to Help

At Peace Family Counseling, located in Greenwood, Indiana, we have a team of dedicated and highly trained therapists who meet you where you are in your journey of healing. You can contact us here. We are dedicated to helping you the tools you need to find peace and healing in your life and relationships. We’d love to hear from you today!

Start today with one small, intentional act of love or kindness toward your spouse. After all, the best time to begin strengthening your marriage was yesterday – the next best time is now.