How to Remain Calm With Your HSP Kid

I’ve just launched my Highly Sensitive Workbook for Children and I’m so excited about it. I know it’s going to be invaluable for children to feel like they have more control over their high sensitivity. I love helping children, teens, adults and parents with this trait find ways to turn their sensitivities into super powers! Most of my highly sensitive clients have found that their sensitivities have been used against them their whole lives. That’s why I love coming alongside them. I help them sort through ways their high sensitivity has worked against them. We support them in finding new ways that help them find their voice and feel empowered.

Guide For Parents with HSP Kid

In the final section of the workbook, I provide a Troubleshooting Guide for Parents. In this guide, I walk parents through 10 practical steps on how to help their highly sensitive child and their overwhelm.

Remain Calm

Here are 5 tips that should help you remain calm even when your child can’t!

5 Tips to Remain Calm Even When Your Child Can’t

1. Avoid power struggles

Probably one of the most difficult things as a parent that you’ll have to do is to avoid power struggles with your highly sensitive child. Often, your child will feel so overwhelmed. They will not be able to communicate or may shut down altogether. Your instinct as a parent will be to make them do whatever needs to be done at that moment. During these times, I encourage you to slow down. Try to figure out what is happening with your child. I know this is not always possible with busy schedules. Slowing down and trying to problem solve may cause the situation to go faster, rather than insisting it be done right now or even your way. State the things that you see are happening. For example, “I see you’re frustrated that you can’t get your shoes tied. You know we’re in a hurry, I’m here if you get stuck.”

2. Take care of yourself

This may seem like the most difficult one since you might already feel burned out! Many parents have a difficult time taking care of themselves. Some are highly sensitive themselves, working full time or have a lot of personal stressors. I encourage parents, especially of young children, to wake up early or go to bed later in order to have some time by themselves. It is also a good idea to have micro breaks throughout the day. Although you may not be able to leave children alone for very long, having a list of things that calm you down quickly can keep your emotions in check. It can be a good foundation for keeping you calm when the next crisis arises.

Personally, I have an assortment of decaf coffee and herbal teas on hand so I can grab a cup anytime of the day. Being outside, journaling (for 3 minutes!) or just sitting quietly and taking a few deep breaths all can be good resets throughout the day and don’t take but a few minutes.

3. Change physical locations

This one might seem like the most confusing. When a crisis is happening, our brains go into survival mode. While you know that your child not putting their coat on when it’s cool outside is not life or death, your brain doesn’t know this without some physical cues from the environment. All your brain knows is that if you get cold you die. This is an overly simplistic example of the lengths your brain will go to in order to survive. It is helpful in understanding why changing your physical body position or location can signal your brain that it is not in any actual danger.

For example, if you’re standing up, sit down. If you’re in the living room, move to the kitchen, etc. I don’t encourage people to use this strategy without communicating clearly what’s happening. It can look like avoidance if you’re going to leave the room, so communicate clearly. I do encourage parents to say, “I’m going to go to the kitchen and get a drink of water to calm down for a minute. When I get back we will continue talking about this.” Obviously, this technique does not work as well with toddlers and younger but it’s good to keep in mind as children age.

4. Use healthy communication skills

Putting your feelings into words and saying them out loud to your child can be very helpful in modeling good communication for your child. I am surprised at the number of adults who do not know what they feel and where they feel it. There is an exercise in the workbook where I ask children to choose a color for each feeling (happy, mad, sad, scared). They are then to mark where they feel that feeling on their body.

I use this exercise with adults as well because I think it is so valuable to check in with ourselves. By noticing what is happening  we can make wise choices about what to do next. If I’m feeling stressed, for example, I usually notice tension between my shoulder blades first. Then I realize something is causing me to feel that way. I then know what to do about it. Usually I need to take a micro break!

5. Apologize when necessary

Parenting is not for the faint of heart! It’s a hard job. There are going to be times that you are going to mess up and yell at your child or get frustrated and say something you don’t really mean. It’s important for your child to hear you acknowledge how you messed up and that you plan on doing better. Afterall, that is what we expect from them when they mess up! Again, this is a great way for you to model healthy communication skills for your child.

Peace Family Counseling

I hope this helps you implement practical ways you can remain calm when your child is not. If you would like more support in parenting your highly sensitive child,  please feel free to contact us. If you are feeling burned out, depression, anxiety, trauma, grief/loss, marriage/relationship issues, please feel free to contact us here. We’d be happy to hear what is happening.

We could help you find the right counselor to help you feel better quickly. You can also head over to our website to read our bios and request a specific therapist. Our physical office is located in Greenwood, Indiana and we offer teletherapy to anyone in the state of Indiana.