How to Be Your Own Therapist

Therapy

I remember the first time I met Jana*. She sat down in my office, flustered and out of sorts. Jana* was perspiring from nervousness and was giving off an agitated vibe. She had arrived a few minutes late to the appointment. Her anxiety was evident. I sat there calmly, taking a few deep breaths. She drank some water and settled in. I reassured her that we had plenty of time to talk about what brought her to counseling. I wanted to see if I would be a good fit for her counseling needs. Jana* was feeling unsettled because she wasn’t completely sure if therapy was what she needed. She wondered out loud if what she actually needed was a good kick in the pants!

*this is not an actual client but rather a vignette to include many of the types of personalities that I see in individual therapy

As she settled in, we began talking about the things that had felt out of balance and unmanageable for the last several years. She had difficulty communicating with her husband. She felt out of place and insecure in the community groups she was a part of, and she always felt like things were her fault when people were uncomfortable or upset. On top of all of this, she was feeling completely overwhelmed with her job. She was at the point that she was procrastinating and nearly shut down. She explained that these things had been happening for as long as she could remember and felt that people really didn’t “get her.”

Goals for Individual Therapy

After getting an idea of her goals for individual therapy, we decided to start with weekly sessions and then go to bi-weekly, then monthly for as long as she needed the support to find balance in her life and stop feeling so paralyzed in life.

Although this story is not unique to any one client, it does describe many of the clients I see for individual therapy. I see parents who are feeling overwhelmed in their parenting. Children and teens who feel overwhelmed and misunderstood by their parents and peers. Individuals who feel overwhelmed by their home and work lives.

One of the very first things I do when people come to see me for individual therapy is to identify what their goals are for counseling. Sometimes individuals have no idea where to start with their goals. What they do know, is that they are unhappy, anxious or depressed and they have already tried many things to help. I sit with parents, children, teens and individuals and help them figure out what’s not working and how I can help.

Questions to Ask Yourself Before Starting Therapy

If you’re not sure if therapy is the best next step for therapy for you or a loved one, it might help to answer the following questions. Take 2-3 minutes to answer each question. Don’t spend a lot of time on each. You will be surprised at how much you can write out in just 3 minutes!

1. List specific areas that you know are not working for you. Think of your home, work, sleep, health, children, school, etc.
   
2. If you could change the channel on your life, what would you be seeing that would be different and better.
   
3. What are the barriers that are stopping you from achieving the things on the new channel?

Summary

The answers to these questions should serve as a starting point for creating more balance and less overwhelm. As I have stated in previous posts, I don’t believe in “eating the elephant in one bite.” Instead, identify one area that you could work to change. Focus on implementing that change for 15 minutes a day and focus on that for 2 weeks or a month. If you still find that you’re feeling overwhelmed, it may be time to find a therapist. They can help you uncover whether or not there might be something deeper at work or you might have a blind spot in why things aren’t changing or getting better.

Many of the highly sensitive client’s I work with struggle with knowing where to start. All of the things they write down will seem important and need attention. One of the struggles of many highly sensitive people is their ability to see the big picture and the details at the same time and both seem valuable!  At that point, it might be helpful to make an appointment with a therapist so they can help you figure out a starting point that makes the most sense.

Peace Family Counseling

If you are feeling burned out, depression, anxiety, trauma, grief/loss, marriage/relationship issues, please feel free to contact us here. We’d be happy to hear what is happening.

We could help you find the right counselor to help you feel better quickly. You can also head over to our website to read our bios and request a specific therapist. Our physical office is located in Greenwood, Indiana and we offer teletherapy to anyone in the state of Indiana.