Coping Strategies for Social Anxiety in Everyday Life

Living with social anxiety can feel overwhelming and even debilitating at times but with knowledge and practice you can retrain your brain to make more accurate assessments. Learning coping strategies will assist you in overcoming anxiety in your daily life.

Accurate Assessments

What do I mean by “accurate assessments?” Allow me to get nerdy for a minute because it will really help you understand anxiety better.

The brain is designed, specifically the amygdala, to react quickly enough to keep you alive. One of the ways your brain does this is to try and make predictions about what might happen next. The way it can make these predictions is from past experiences. When you’ve had a positive or negative experience in a situation, the brain files that information away.  It will then pull it up quickly the next time you are in a similar situation. The problem with anxiety is that the brain registers almost everything as a threat, and then makes wrong predictions.

I’m obviously over-simplifying the process because it is quite complex. But it’s important to remember that when you’re “triggered” your brain goes “off-line” and the amygdala takes over to help keep you alive.

When you aren’t triggered, your brain stays “on-line” and you make more accurate predictions about what’s happening in your world, you’re able to engage with others more freely, and overall, you feel safe.

If you can think about what activities keep you “on-line” versus those that make you go “off-line” you can begin using coping skills to get your brain back on-line as quickly as possible.

Knowing this about the brain will help you, and your specific anxieties, will help you find and implement effective coping skills. Here are a few things that will help you manage your anxiety and keep your brain on-line.

Pre-Event Preparation

Preparing mentally for social interactions can help immensely with social anxiety. One technique we teach is visualization. If you’ve never tried a visualization technique, it can feel a little uncomfortable, and even weird at first. But research shows it is a very effective tool for managing anxiety, and in this case, social anxiety.

Our brains like to play out the worst-case scenario happening over and over before an event, to help prepare us for anything and everything that could happen at that event.

Instead of allowing your brain to go through these made-up scenarios, try picturing yourself successfully engaging in the social situation. Combine this with deep breathing exercises (like square breathing) to calm nerves before the event.

Our thinking effects our emotions. When you are actively engaging your brain in calming down, and visualizing positive interactions, it will help calm our nervous system. And a calm nervous system is one that is safe, social and connected-which is the ideal way to enter social situations.

In-the-Moment Coping Techniques

Sometimes, even with the best preparation, social settings can still be difficult to navigate. Using a grounding exercise can help in these situations.

Start by focusing on your breath-breathing in through your nose and out through your mouth. Focus on your surroundings using the 5-4-3-2-1 technique:

Identify

5 things you can SEE

4 things you can TOUCH

3 things you can HEAR

2 things you can SMELL

1 thing you can TASTE

This technique can help redirect anxious thoughts so that you can focus on the moment.

Post-Event Coping Reflection

After the event, take time to reflect. Journal about your experiences so that you can process your emotions and reinforce positive outcomes from getting out of your comfort zone. Celebrate even the small victories, whether it’s making conversation or simply attending an event. Every time you work through your anxiety, you give your brain new information that helps it make more accurate predictions for the next time you’re in a similar situation.

Mistakes are Normal

Remember that no one is perfect at socializing. It’s normal to say “um,” not hear what someone is saying, especially in a loud environment, have pauses (sometimes awkward ones) in conversations, and stumble over your words from time to time. These things happen to everyone.

Don’t go into the event expecting to have a perfect social exchange. Remind yourself that mistakes happen and give yourself grace when they do come up.

Instead, focus on the positive or things that went well in the interaction. And most of all, do not allow yourself to replay these interactions over and over trying to find things you could have said or done differently.

Remember that people without social anxiety are not rehashing the conversations you had over and over again, and they don’t need you to apologize for things you said or did-they probably don’t even remember that part of the interaction. When you do circle back to those parts of the conversation that they don’t remember-everyone feels awkward!

Seek Professional Help

If social anxiety feels unmanageable, seeking professional help is crucial. Therapy, especially Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), can provide tools for managing anxiety and learning how to challenge and change your thoughts around social situations.

Implementing effective coping strategies takes practice and patience. Each small step can lead to greater confidence in future social situations.

If you’re still not sure, be sure to check out our blog on when to seek help for anxiety here.

Remember, you’re not alone, and help is available. And, what works best can vary from person to person. It’s often helpful to try different strategies and work with a mental health professional to develop a personalized plan.

We’d love for you to check out our counselors here and if you would rather talk to someone, you can fill out the contact us form here.

Consistency and patience are key. Managing social anxiety is typically a gradual process of improvement rather than an immediate cure.