Communication + Trust: The Foundation of a Healthy Relationship

Relationship Crisis

Each time I meet with a couple who comes in for therapy they identify a presenting problem (or several) which is causing strain, conflict, disconnection, and dysfunction in their relationship. This usually means they are in a crisis.

A crisis may be the result of one partner’s behavior. These behaviors may be infidelity, substance use disorder or difficulty expressing or regulating their emotions. Other times the issues may be a shared effort resulting in feelings of emotional/relational detachment or falling out of love.

Communication and Trust in a Relationship

When I listen to the couple describe what they believe to be the problems I discover these are usually describing symptoms of foundational problems: communication and trust.

The percentage of couples who report spending 5-15 minutes daily talking, touching base, connecting without distraction is in the low teens. In the absence of simple, healthy relationship practices such as spending time together and connecting with one another, some common problems can emerge. These problems often take the form of unmet or misunderstood expectations in the relationship. Undoubtedly, problems of communication and trust touch every aspect of the relationship.

5 Areas In a Relationship That May Cause Frustration

In my experience, a couple usually expresses frustration toward their partner’s perspectives or actions in one of 5 areas:

• Time — how to spend evenings or weekends, time with extended family or friends, hobbies
• Finances — how it is allocated vs. if there is enough
• Sexual or Non-Sexual Intimacy — frequency, type and what each other one needs in order to feel safe and connected
• Parenting — differing styles particularly around discipline and boundaries
• Faith/Spirituality — how involved to be on individual or community level
• Misalignment and poor communication in one or more of these areas can lead to a host of relationship problems such as: frequent arguing, power struggles, avoidance and building resentment. A feeling of security and interpersonal intimacy is noticeably lacking.

Couples Counseling

Couples counseling can be one of the best ways to address problems in a relationship because:

• It is done with a safe, neutral third party
• It is designed to be constructive and non-judgmental
• It is designed to be empowering without patronizing
• It is designed for each person to be seen, heard and understood by their partner
• Interventions are solution-focused

As a therapist I try to help clients solve their solvable problems, many of which are rather simple in nature and can be addressed with some intentionality and making different choices to lean into the foundational issue of building communication and trust with one another. Other problems require each party to accept their partner through fostering compassion, empathy and understanding — a powerful solution in itself.

Couples Counseling Helps Understand the Root Causes

Therapy can help couples understand the nature of problems they are experiencing, the root causes, and a way forward that builds a relationship stronger and healthier than what they had before. Ask any couple who has been married for more than a few years and they will be able to tell you they learn new things about their partner and themselves frequently. Collaborating with a therapist to develop skills and strategies for addressing issues specific to the relationship is a worthwhile investment. Research suggests about 70% of couples who engage in therapy report improvement in their relationship.

When Should You Do Couples Counseling

Couples can seek counseling at any point in the relationship, but therapeutic intervention early before problems become overwhelming and resentments begin to build, produces the best outcomes. I sometimes joke with my clients that the only appointment they’re ever late for is the first one — it’s only kind of a joke.

If you or someone you care about is experiencing problems in a romantic relationship there is hope and practical solutions. I believe all couples deserve to have a healthy and fulfilling relationship. Going to therapy can help you meet that goal.

Peace Family Counseling

Our therapists help couples in Greenwood, Indiana, build trust and communication with one another. We’d be happy to hear what is happening and help you find the right counselor to help you feel better quickly.

You can schedule directly with one of our therapists online, or you can book a call with our intake coordinator. Our physical office is located in Greenwood, Indiana, and we offer teletherapy to anyone in the state of Indiana.