Building Stronger Bonds: 7 Ways Parents Can Use Love Languages with Their Children

Image of parent holding a child's hands


Parenthood is one of the most rewarding and difficult seasons of life.  One of the most profound gifts we can give our children is the assurance of our unconditional love and support. While every child is unique, they all crave love and connection in order to grow and thrive as people.

Dr. Gary Chapman developed the concept of 5 Love languages to identify how people express and receive affection. Children too have their own language of love that guides their emotional needs. Understanding and speaking this language can not only strengthen the parent-child bond but also foster a sense of security and emotional well-being in children-ideally leading to secure attachment.


Discover Their Love Language:

Work hard to discover your child’s love language. Knowing these can help communicate that your child is known, valued and loved and will lead to a secure attachment. For more on attachment styles you can click here. Observe your child’s behaviors, preferences, and reactions to different forms of affection to identify their primary love language.


Are they most responsive to physical touch, words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, or receiving gifts? Once you understand their love language, you can tailor experiences to fit your child’s emotional needs more effectively.


Here are practical ways parents can use love languages to connect with their children on a deeper level:

  1. Understand Their Love Language:
    • Observe how your child expresses affection and responds to different forms of love.
    • Have open conversations with them about how they feel loved and appreciated.
    • Be curious about what helps them open up to you about how they feel.
    • Adjust your approach based on their preferences and emotional cues.
  1. Balancing Different Love Languages in the Same Household:
    • Recognize that your child may have a primary love language but can also appreciate expressions of love in other ways.
    • Be flexible and willing to incorporate various love languages into your interactions with them.
    • Pay attention to their responses and adjust your gestures accordingly to ensure they feel genuinely cared for and understood.
  1. Quality Time: For children whose love language is quality time, nothing speaks volumes like undivided attention from their parents. Make it a priority to carve out dedicated time in your busy schedule to engage in meaningful activities with your child.
  • Let them choose an activity or game you do together
  • Let them help you with chores/cooking that you already need to do around the house
  • Take one child at a time with you when you go to the store, or run errands
  • Going for a walk (our son loved treasure walks-what was the coolest thing you could find in nature!)
  • Have them read to you

The goal is to be fully present and engaged in these shared experiences in order to communicate your love and reinforces their sense of importance in your life.

  1. Words of Affirmation: Our words can have a powerful impact on children. Take the time to verbally acknowledge and praise your child’s efforts, achievements, and positive qualities.
  • Offer words of encouragement, affirmation, and affection regularly, l
  • Let them know how much you love and appreciate them.
  • Simple phrases like “I’m proud of you,” “You are capable,” and “I love you just the way you are” can work wonders in boosting their self-esteem and sense of belonging.

Ask more questions and offer praise when they handle a really tough situation remind them they don’t have to have everything figured out and you’re to help when they get stuck.

  1. Acts of Service: Children often interpret acts of service as expressions of love and care. Show your love by helping them with tasks, chores, or activities that they find challenging or overwhelming.
  • Have them help you prepare their favorite meal
  • Sit next to them or with them while they do their homework
  • Use scaffolding-help them start on the task and then let them finish it on their own
  • Tuck them into bed at night

As a parent you might already feel like you’re doing so many acts of service, but being intentional about the ones that are important and special to your child whose love language is acts of service will help them feel seen, valued and loved.


  1. Physical Touch: Physical touch is a fundamental aspect of parent-child bonding.
  • Give hugs and kisses often and even when they think they’re too big for them!
  • Gentle pats on the back
  • Putting a hand on their back or leg, especially when they’re upset can help their nervous system reset.

Take every opportunity to express your affection through hugs, cuddles, and physical closeness, especially during moments of joy, sadness, or vulnerability. This tactile connection fosters a sense of safety and emotional security in children, strengthening the parent-child bond.

  1. Gift-Giving: While material gifts are not the essence of this love language, they can still play a significant role in expressing love and thoughtfulness to children.
  • Surprise your child with small tokens of affection or treats that hold personal significance to them.
  • Remember it’s not about the value of the gift but the sentiment behind it that matters most.

These gestures of love and generosity reinforce your child’s sense of being cherished and valued.


As with anything with parenting, being consistent, patient and genuine can build a strong bond

Be patient with yourself and your child as you navigate this journey of understanding and connection. Consistently express love in ways that resonate with your child’s love language and be receptive to their cues and feedback. Remember that the goal is not perfection but the sincere effort to nurture a deeper, more meaningful relationship with your child. By speaking your child’s love language fluently, parents can instill a profound sense of love, security, and emotional well-being that will shape their children’s lives for years to come which all lead to your child growing up with a secure attachment.




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